Something I couldn't afford

Is it even worth trying to pay attention?

She lost me when she went back to revise the last lecture. So why should I pay attention to something we've already done (ignoring the fact that I didn't get it then either anyway)?

We finally get to the new content and I swear I will pay attention. I'm sitting there, completely (trying to) focus(ed). She get's herself confused with content that I'm already struggling to keep up with, so I get confused again.

"And that's as simple as it is." Yeah, sure it is...

I get caught up trying to figure it out, and then I realise we've moved on to something new. and I have no idea what's going on. By the time I figure out what it is that's being explained, it's over. The only thing I understand about it is that which I am able to figure out using my English Etymology.

(By the way, how the people came up with these methods for statistical analysis is truly beyond me. I think I can confidently say that they sucked the methods right out of their thumb. Honestly, in what world is it OK to just through in a square root sign, just for gees (fun)?)

Possibly, the issue that I'm facing is that a lot of this is being made more complicated than it actually is. Also, keeping track of these abbreviations she keeps mentioning is difficult. It's been so long since I truly did statistics and learnt Maths, that figuring this out is pretty difficult.

Hashtag-BA-kid-for-life

Procrastination reflections #1: People are mean

"People say ugly things, and sometimes it's because we speak without thinking: our thoughts become verbalised before they're even thought of. Ugly thoughts then become ugly words. We don't always mean these ugly thoughts, they can come unbidden to our minds, and normally we can keep them in check. Then it happens that we don't stop to think, and we say hurtful things to people that we would have just thought but because we want to get our two cents across as quickly as possible, we speak before making sure that what we're about to say is socially acceptable."

Welcome to my first attempt at being philosophical and self-reflexive. I am a major procrastinator, and I am very easily distracted. My mind goes off on tangents sometimes, often during important moments, like in lectures or in meetings or when I'm having a seriously deep conversation with a friend, which makes me feel kind of bad. I make up for this by writing down my strokes of brilliance so that at least some good comes out of it. Unfortunately, when I read these at a later stage, it turns out that it wasn't actually that amazing. I'm going to share these waves of creativity with you, and hopefully I can improve on the thoughts as I go.

So people are mean. Maybe I chose this as my first procrastination reflection to post because I'm discouraging you from being mean to me: don't judge me! I'm just joking, your opinion is valued because you have one, but it won't affect how I feel about myself. Unless you're building me up, and that's pretty cool, carry on as you were.

I think that the issue that I have with people's meanness is what determines what is mean? So someone may feel a certain way about something, but because it's not socially acceptable, they aren't allowed to express that they feel that way, because they may be shunned or looked down upon. I don't know why we think the way we do (don't even get me started on the subconscious..), but it's frustrating that we can't be pre-programmed into inherently good and kind people, without having to be mean. And I mean things like judging someone for being different, or making a comment on someone that you are jealous of because they are probably better than you.

Maybe I just hate how mean my brain can be sometimes, and then sometimes how mean my mouth can be before I have time to shut it up. That darned self-control... But, will keep working on it, I guess!